MetaCars

According to reports out of Detroit or Germany, a major car manufacturer is planning to replace one of its currently disappointing cars with a version that will go back to its roots as a likable, decent car.

“We’ve lost our way,” the company’s CEO will admit. “The current model has become too bloated, too ugly, and too expensive. Where we were once sporty or luxurious, we’ve now become too luxurious or sporty.”

Fans posting at an online forum about the manufacturer’s products were thrilled. “FINALLY! We get the car we deserve, not the current piece of crap,” one user said. Another was more reserved, though still positive: “The current one isn’t as bad as people say. I have had 2 of them and while the first one tried to shoot my dog, I’ve been very happy overall. Still I agree they need to go back to basics.”

Anonymous sources within the auto company tell MetaCars that the replacement model will be full of retro cues that hearken back to the much-loved older versions of the car. These will include heritage wheels, seats, and logos.

One manager told us “We knew we were off the track a long time ago, but felt it would be better to build several years of crappy versions of the car so that the back-to-roots version would be really well received. It’s boring when a company makes a decent car all along. The trick is to screw it up for a while then come back, all guns blazing.”

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