British Car Magazine Stumped About Who to Cheat for in BMW-Jaguar Comparo
A popular weekly British car magazine is absolutely stumped about who to cheat for in this week’s comparison test between Jaguar and BMW.
The test, to be called “BATTLE OF THE ULTIMATE SPORTS SEDANS” will feature the Jaguar XF and new BMW 5-Series, and we’ll learn several paragraphs into the article that they’ve selected the 6-cylinder diesel engines for this heart-pounding comparo.
“I’m frickin’ clueless,” said Editor Eric Whittemore. “On the one hand, we have a BMW. Usually we pick that car in spite of a horrible ride, electric steering, a much higher price, fewer features, and less practicality. So with the new 5-Series, we should have a slam dunk.
“But on the other hand, we have a Jaguar. And while American car magazines tend to forget to include Jaguar in comparison tests, we always call Jaguar the class leader.”
Letter writers and commenters on the magazine’s website are preparing for war. “WHAT A SURPRISE, ANOTHER BMW WINS,” one plans to say. Another has been through several drafts of “The Jaguar? Seriously? It’s not the 1960s anymore. We can’t compete with BMW, the maker of the finest sports saloons in the world.”
Sources inside the magazine’s office told MetaCars that to deal with the problem, they might pick a winner out of left field. One told us that “In the comparo of the Jaguar XF 3.0 diesel and the BMW 530d, I think they’ll just pick a Range Rover Sport with the 6-cylinder diesel. That seems suitably ridiculous.”
The BMW will win because it has an Estate bodystyle option, with a stick shift too. Oh wait, that joke only works in America.
I’m sure they’ll sort it out over a nice curry and onion bhajis.