BREAKING: MAINSTREAM MEDIA ORDERS HIT TEAM TO METACARS OWNER’S HOUSE: Tries to “Send a Message”
Thanks to your support, MetaCars has had a huge impact on the media landscape and automotive journalism. In our first two months we’ve had 100 billion page views, which means that every man, woman, and child on Earth (except in North Korea) has visited MetaCars approximately fifteen times each.
Unfortunately, not everybody loves MetaCars. Members of the mainstream media elite coastal establishment are jealous of our success and worried about how we’re bringing them down.
The New York Times, which is having financial trouble, recently blamed all of its problems on MetaCars plundering its web traffic. Just this morning, for example, they remarked that “Dawn brought horrible scenes to light in Port-au-Prince on Wednesday, with huge sections of the capital in ruins after a devastating earthquake a day earlier.” Err…
Two nights ago, they carried out a ‘job’ on the billionaire financier of MetaCars.com. To send a message, these organized crime hooligans smashed the window of his personal limousine and pried out his car the stereo with a screwdriver.
This was no ordinary car stereo theft, of course. MetaCars’ internal security service is investigating and is now certain it was a political hit.
Rest assured, we will not be deterred by the establishment coastal elite liberal intellectual thugs. MetaCars speaks for you, the American people. And for job creation.
seek and destroy, theiving pikey scum
Nice late model Civic! (At least we know you have a stick, which instantly gives automotive credibility)