Acura Issues Apology Statement For “Royally F*cking Up” Every Good Car It Has Made
Acura issued a statement this morning expressing contrition for “royally fucking up every good car” it has made over the past twenty-five years.
“From the Legend to the Integra to the TSX, we’ve really enjoying building up an enthusiast following and then smothering it like an unloved puppy,” Acura CEO Howard Emmerlich said in the statement. “But now it’s time to move on.”
Emmerlich continued “From this point forward, we won’t build anything people like in the first place. Acura is now about appeasing soccer moms with our MDX minivan. I learned a long time ago that the best way to avoid disappointment is to not be impressive to begin with.”
Also in the statement, Acura confirmed that starting in Q2 2010, it will be circulating false rumors about developing a V8 “just to get the Acura name out in the news a bit and maybe milk goodwill from the NSX.”